Dear, Ginger

a letter to the previous owner of a cellphone number

Dear, Ginger

You don’t know me, so my apologies for this unexpected letter from a total stranger. Hope it finds you well.

I guess I’ll just get straight to the point since you might be busy. I have your cellphone number- your old one. You see, I hated my old number. It was all odd numbers! I had it for years and years and years and it never dawned on me that I could change it until a little while ago. Maybe subconsciously I didn’t like the idea of having to update everyone in my life about a new number, but when I finally changed it, oh my god, let me tell you- I was so goddamn happy… There were even numbers! And I decided not to tell a few people I changed phone numbers, so good riddance, I say. Oh, in case you’re wondering (but probably not), I see numbers as just odds and evens. That’s it. Do you do that? I don’t like the odd ones. I see days like this, too. Sunday, Monday, Wednesday, and Friday are all odd. Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday are even. Don’t ask me why with that one. It just feels right. Thursdays are my favorite. Oh, same with months now that I’m thinking about. August is the most even month. Again, don’t ask me why. It’s just a gut thing. I’m sure you couldn’t care less, so my apologies. I’m just rambling and honestly the more I write this out, the more I sound like a nut! I’m not, I promise, just sick. I have a cold that’s been brewing for days and it finally hit this morning. God bless drugs, I say.

Anyway, I wanted to let you know that I’ve been receiving phone calls and text messages which are meant for you. Did you not update everyone? It’s been a few years now. I hope you’ve updated most everyone at least.

Your daughter needs a cleaning at the dentist. No matter how many times I tell them I’m not you, they continue to call and send text messages. I hope you update offices with your new number soon. Or have taken her to a different dentist by now.

I’ve also been getting text messages from a real estate agent gentleman. He seems super nice and needs to know whether you’re still hunting for a new place. Don’t leave him hanging too long. It sounds like he’s going to give up and drop you as a client soon.

Also, there was an ordeal at Walgreens for the longest time. Since changing numbers, they started asking if the account is under you or me. I told them (several times) that it will always be under me because this is no longer your number, but every goddamn time they continued to ask. What a hassle! Apparently, you can’t delete people on an account, but there was a young lady who finally helped me out and crossed your name off. I’m not sure how she did it exactly, but it worked. Nobody asks anymore, so that’s a relief.

One more thing- Not that I’m aware of all of my money affairs, but I’ve been receiving text messages from a debt collector and I’m pretty positive they’re meant for you. There’s no name on them, so who knows, but I’m throwing it out there in case you want to look into it.

I’m sending this on World Kindness Day, so I thought my act of kindness would be to let you know all these things (because I can assume you didn’t) and maybe your act could be to tell all these people your number changed so I stop being notified about your life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m sure you’re a lovely lady. I used to work with a Ginger and I picture her every time I see your name, but she didn’t have children, so I think I can safely assume this isn’t her.

Anyway, happy holidays, Ginger!

Warmest regards,

****

P.S. I hope I didn’t waste too much of your time. Here’s a picture of a lazy cat in case you needed to smile.